Nothing New Under the Sun

Perhaps what I would write would not be necessary.  Perhaps it has all been written before.  Perhaps I should just face the fact that he's right.  He has the good story telling skills.  The degree.  I encouraged him to write a children's book many years ago.  He had taken a class.  Wrote for it.  A post college class. And he went to modeling school...even bought the make up and stuff.  When we had hardly any money and he was unemployed.  I encouraged him when he discovered that opportunity too.  Applauded his runway walk.  You know, he really is talented.  But the thing is that he can't help anyone else do or be better at something.  Like the boys playing basketball.  One of our boys was really a good player.  He loved it.  He quit because his dad could never tell him, "you're the man"...always had to tell him how he was better,  how he needed to improve.  So, should I be surprised about his view of my writing?  That he doesn't support? 
But, too many things have happened today and I am flying solo.  A friend has begun writing.  That makes four of them now.  And I wonder, "what new or different or meaningful things could I have to say that all of these wonderful women won't already say?"  My confidence is low.  My heart feels broken. 
I'm not a special writer.  Just a passionate one.  And, passion doesn't make up for skill.  I'm not sure that I DO have that.  I just want the chance to try.  Freely.  But how do I get the stench or so many years of negative stuff out of my nose?  How do I learn to smell the beautiful aroma of hope and trying and what might be? 
Maybe I can't do it while living in the same house.  I don't want it to be another thing that becomes his in my life.  Maybe it already has? 
How is it that marriage could mean this?  Despising my drams for the pain that they cause me.  Because no matter what I ever do....it is never considered great.  Why am I not worth supporting?  I mean, I know that I am....should be....but, if I am, then why?  I don't get it.  It hurts me to my core.  To that scared little child inside that has nightmares.  But, then, I remind myself, "I am a grown up.  I have to behave like one.  I have to make choices to affect my future.  I don't have to condemn myself about my failures."  Oh, I get it.  I believe it.  But, I feel alone believing it.  Feels like being the only one who believed that the earth was round or that the great flood was coming......you KNOW it with everything in you, but it doesn't make it much easier when living in the "real" world.
It was a really hard day.
grace to you.