Went online again today...looking for what christian women in troubled christian marriages can do. Pray. Submit. Wait. It's painful for me to go to these sites. I cringe every time. It's basically a "make him happy" world. And, that divorce is never an option. Ever.
Depresses me. On each page it comes off that the marriage depends on the wife. And...perhaps...most likely.....that is because so often it does. And, when she can't hold it all together anymore, it falls apart.
I want to remain open. But, I don't want to carry it anymore. I want to live life. And for that I feel labeled as a sinner. Unredeemed. Unbelieving. Because I should just trust that it's how it should be. But, he has no interest in me. Sex yes. Me no.
However, today I was reading differently. Learning how to change my life. Learning how to change myself. Learning how to grow...not for him. Learning that I am allowed to be my own person. Married or not. Learning what the Bible says and how it's interpreted. Learning. But, all of the learning and understanding that I do will not stop the fact that I am done. That it's my fault. That it's my choice. So, that's how it is. Unfortunate but true. And I can't let it keep me from living. I've done so for too long. So, I will suck it up and read it, hear it, understand it.....and go ahead and live.
grace to you
Depresses me. On each page it comes off that the marriage depends on the wife. And...perhaps...most likely.....that is because so often it does. And, when she can't hold it all together anymore, it falls apart.
I want to remain open. But, I don't want to carry it anymore. I want to live life. And for that I feel labeled as a sinner. Unredeemed. Unbelieving. Because I should just trust that it's how it should be. But, he has no interest in me. Sex yes. Me no.
However, today I was reading differently. Learning how to change my life. Learning how to change myself. Learning how to grow...not for him. Learning that I am allowed to be my own person. Married or not. Learning what the Bible says and how it's interpreted. Learning. But, all of the learning and understanding that I do will not stop the fact that I am done. That it's my fault. That it's my choice. So, that's how it is. Unfortunate but true. And I can't let it keep me from living. I've done so for too long. So, I will suck it up and read it, hear it, understand it.....and go ahead and live.
grace to you
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