Easy to become entrenched in the day to day blahs...but there is so much in life to be thankful for. There are so many blessings that are easily overlooked. New eyes. New perspective is demanded in order to live a life full of seeing and enjoying.
Someone told me that I can't possibly think of going on this way for nearly 5 more years. But, if I really work on my perspective, perhaps I can. I did it for years within trying to make my marriage work, so maybe it will work to do it now when it's over but not done since there are some things to finish. Things like raising kids, getting regular work. Things that matter. Also, learning to dream again. Learning to put actions to those dreams. Learning to say I can.
Years ago my grandpa hurt me more than he ever had. He took me aside...out to dinner....while I was in high school and told me that he thought that I shouldn't go right to a regular college, that I should go to a junior college and work my way up. He said that my life had been hard. That I might not be ready. I loved my grandpa. What he said stung. But, instead of backing down, I said, "watch me." I can do it. I will do it. How come you don't think I'm able? And, I was. I never had less than a 3.0. I worked well. I made friends. I learned and grew and served. He was the man I respected most, but I was able to stand up for myself.
That lets me know how beaten down I've been since then. How it wasn't my childhood that has caused this overwhelming sense of fear, or failing. Nope. It has been my marriage.
But though that hasn't worked out as I had planned, hoped, wished, prayed, desired........life is not over. There are fun times ahead. Genuinely wonderful times. Even today!
So, starting today, I am going to remember to scoop up the fun times like sand on the seashore. I am going to sift each one through my hands enjoying it fully. I am going to build them altogether to make beautiful memories. A castle made of my memories of fun times.
grace to you.
Someone told me that I can't possibly think of going on this way for nearly 5 more years. But, if I really work on my perspective, perhaps I can. I did it for years within trying to make my marriage work, so maybe it will work to do it now when it's over but not done since there are some things to finish. Things like raising kids, getting regular work. Things that matter. Also, learning to dream again. Learning to put actions to those dreams. Learning to say I can.
Years ago my grandpa hurt me more than he ever had. He took me aside...out to dinner....while I was in high school and told me that he thought that I shouldn't go right to a regular college, that I should go to a junior college and work my way up. He said that my life had been hard. That I might not be ready. I loved my grandpa. What he said stung. But, instead of backing down, I said, "watch me." I can do it. I will do it. How come you don't think I'm able? And, I was. I never had less than a 3.0. I worked well. I made friends. I learned and grew and served. He was the man I respected most, but I was able to stand up for myself.
That lets me know how beaten down I've been since then. How it wasn't my childhood that has caused this overwhelming sense of fear, or failing. Nope. It has been my marriage.
But though that hasn't worked out as I had planned, hoped, wished, prayed, desired........life is not over. There are fun times ahead. Genuinely wonderful times. Even today!
So, starting today, I am going to remember to scoop up the fun times like sand on the seashore. I am going to sift each one through my hands enjoying it fully. I am going to build them altogether to make beautiful memories. A castle made of my memories of fun times.
grace to you.
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