Job Interview

I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was so overwhelmed, so......depressed.....after I got word that I have a job interview.  The responsibility?  The nervousness of the interview?  I really sucked at my last interview.  But, I was too tired and too emotionally drained to figure it out.  I didn't tell my kids.  I certainly didn't tell my husband.  Then, I had a good night's sleep.  Whew.  And I get it.  At least in part.  If  have a job, I will truly be able to decide which direction I'm going in maritally.  And I want a separation.  I don't know if it's forever, but I know that I need the time to simply heal  and get good rest and do what I need to do.  And the other thing is that I don't want to tell him about the job interview because my getting a paying job is about the only thing he cares about about me.  This last week he was asking me if I was subbing...each day.....and I know that as the week went on and I said no, he was frustrated. 
So, I have an interview.  Getting the job or not, it's a good experience.  And, whether I feel ready or not, I know that I can teach.  I can do it.  AND, I'd get time off for holidays and summer.  Who doesn't love that?  If I taught a half session of summer school, I would get to take the kids on a nice vacation.  Hard to get my hopes up.  I think that that is part of the problem.  I know that what they really want is for me to go back to school.  To be "modernized."  But, I'll just have to find somewhere that will take me as I am.  Because I don't have it in me to get another degree this year.  But, God knows that.  And He knows me.  And, I fear the feeling that I will never be allowed to get a job until I perform.....yet, God isn't like that.  I'll just rest and let Him love me.  And, job or not, I will be fine. 
grace to you.