Forgive. Every time. Without question. Without fail.
Yet, forgiveness is something that I have struggled with for years. Not doing it. But, rather, what it means. What it should look like. I had a book called "Caring Enough to Not Forgive." It wasn't really about unforgiveness....it was about false forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about saying "it's ok". It's not about covering someone's wrongdoing.....really, only God can do that. We are not perfect, so we can't. But, we can "let go" of the "right" to be bitter, to be mean, to be revengeful, to be constantly pondering how to get back at someone. It is about choosing freedom from having to fix something. Forgiveness is giving God the wrong, the problem, the relationship.......and knowing that He can work with them and we don't have to.
My problem is that some people think that if I say that I forgive them then it means that everything should be reversed to prior to the wrong doing. That it should be as if it never happened. Yet, my heart doesn't work like that. Forgiving doesn't mean that everything is "hunky dory." It means that I cease living in the wrongdoing and choose to move FORWARD....not backward. It is about building or rebuilding a relationship from that point forward. Something new. Forgiveness is about something new. Not about trying to have what was. And, sometimes, it's not about having anything anymore....except for the kindness of letting go gracefully.
Many hurts occur in life because of faulty, unsafe foundations. And, moving forward after forgiveness occurs can only be productive when the people are able to build something new and strong. That isn't always the case. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is too painful. Sometimes it is not the direction God is working. He is always most concerned about each person's relationship with Him. About healing individuals.....He's not a group therapist, but rather a one on one. Much like AA, He asks us to right wrongs and make amends when we can. Yet, some relationships are best left.
That's not a popular view. Especially at my house. For my husband, if I forgive, if I am kind....then it means "business as usual". "Whew, crisis averted and I don't have to do anything." But, it's not that way at all. Forgiveness and kindness need to be who I am. Even if nothing has changed in the foundation. And, with nothing changing in the foundation, I am not going to keep spending time building upon the rickety timbers that threaten to collapse at the next storm. I spent so many years forgiving his way. Trying to behave as if it never happened. Going back to the same old rut. Over and over and over again. Finding myself becoming less and less able to cope...because the forgiveness was empty.
But now......forgiveness has changed in my heart. That it is more about going forward. Renewed. Searching out how to live today and tomorrow...not yesterday.
Life is good and wonderful. Life is short. Too short to allow unforgiveness to create bitterness and hatred. I mean, why do I have to hate someone? They don't make decisions for me. I do. I can hate and action. I can be angry. And..........I can go on. I don't have to live there. Because, a bad circumstance doesn't make up the sum total of my life. It's just a bump in the journey. And the journey is beautiful.
grace to you
Yet, forgiveness is something that I have struggled with for years. Not doing it. But, rather, what it means. What it should look like. I had a book called "Caring Enough to Not Forgive." It wasn't really about unforgiveness....it was about false forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about saying "it's ok". It's not about covering someone's wrongdoing.....really, only God can do that. We are not perfect, so we can't. But, we can "let go" of the "right" to be bitter, to be mean, to be revengeful, to be constantly pondering how to get back at someone. It is about choosing freedom from having to fix something. Forgiveness is giving God the wrong, the problem, the relationship.......and knowing that He can work with them and we don't have to.
My problem is that some people think that if I say that I forgive them then it means that everything should be reversed to prior to the wrong doing. That it should be as if it never happened. Yet, my heart doesn't work like that. Forgiving doesn't mean that everything is "hunky dory." It means that I cease living in the wrongdoing and choose to move FORWARD....not backward. It is about building or rebuilding a relationship from that point forward. Something new. Forgiveness is about something new. Not about trying to have what was. And, sometimes, it's not about having anything anymore....except for the kindness of letting go gracefully.
Many hurts occur in life because of faulty, unsafe foundations. And, moving forward after forgiveness occurs can only be productive when the people are able to build something new and strong. That isn't always the case. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is too painful. Sometimes it is not the direction God is working. He is always most concerned about each person's relationship with Him. About healing individuals.....He's not a group therapist, but rather a one on one. Much like AA, He asks us to right wrongs and make amends when we can. Yet, some relationships are best left.
That's not a popular view. Especially at my house. For my husband, if I forgive, if I am kind....then it means "business as usual". "Whew, crisis averted and I don't have to do anything." But, it's not that way at all. Forgiveness and kindness need to be who I am. Even if nothing has changed in the foundation. And, with nothing changing in the foundation, I am not going to keep spending time building upon the rickety timbers that threaten to collapse at the next storm. I spent so many years forgiving his way. Trying to behave as if it never happened. Going back to the same old rut. Over and over and over again. Finding myself becoming less and less able to cope...because the forgiveness was empty.
But now......forgiveness has changed in my heart. That it is more about going forward. Renewed. Searching out how to live today and tomorrow...not yesterday.
Life is good and wonderful. Life is short. Too short to allow unforgiveness to create bitterness and hatred. I mean, why do I have to hate someone? They don't make decisions for me. I do. I can hate and action. I can be angry. And..........I can go on. I don't have to live there. Because, a bad circumstance doesn't make up the sum total of my life. It's just a bump in the journey. And the journey is beautiful.
grace to you
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