Risky

Last week, I took a huge risk.  Well, it was for me.  I emailed someone some deep thoughts and requested prayer.  I did not expect to hear back.  I knew that I shouldn't expect it.  It's not that kind of friend.  Just a person that I trust to pray.  But something happened that I didn't expect.....I began to feel....exposed, vulnerable, able to be hurt.  I was checking my email and hoping that I had heard that it was ok to share, ok to ask, ok to be needy.  But, I didn't hear.  And, my heart ached.  It's crazy that there are times of life that silly things can cause so much hurt.  That though something is not expected, it is so deeply hoped for that it creates a will, a desire, a want that is totally unexpected. 
By this morning, I had given up.  I had realized that it's not a good way for me to communicate.  I had decided that I was foolish because I have enough pain and should not do things that self inflict more.  I was having these exact thoughts, with the accompanying tears, when I clicked onto my email.  And there was a response email.  Shocked.  Stunned.  Thankful.  Grateful.  Mercy given.  Compassion poured out. 
How it changed me so much, I do not understand.  There was no huge letter.  Not a sense of "you are so right...".  There wasn't s promise for the future.  There was simply a response.  A notice that my message had been received, read and responded to.  It's the response that made a difference.  The sense that someone cared enough to take a moment.  Not even knowing what it would mean.  It's not someone who talks to me much.  It's not someone who has a great rapport with me.  Someone that I trust.  And, by this simple act, gained more trust.
When in pain, opening the door to the heart is risky.  However, keeping it closed is sure death of hope.  I choose hope.  Because though it might only be once in ten times that someone actually catches me when I'm falling....the moment that they do is a moment that I remember forever and it changes my life. 
grace to you.