The Struggle

I am having a rough time.  Mostly, having been sick seems to have robbed me of all energy...it's like I'm hooked up as a generator and all of the energy is being sucked out.  I would say that it's feeling depressed...but, it really seems to be whatever the virus is.  It's a bugger. 
But, the thing about being sick, about being home, about being alone....it gives me lots of time to think things through.  About life.  Today I realized how important thankfulness is.  How it bolsters and uplifts.  I also realized that there's not much that my husband could do that would make me trust him at this point.  On top of all of that, I realized that I have not been following my eating healthy and exercising regiment and that it's harming me.  I need to drink at least a gallon of water a day and I NEED nutrition.  Good nutritional stuff.  Or I won't get well and be able to fight all of this crud.  But, I also realized that this time has been useful to God....for speaking to me and comforting me and moving me along in life.  Funny how being still can sometimes accomplish more than being busy.  I know that I will need to get back to a regular work schedule.  I'm just SO tired.  And.....content to putter around my house.  Clean out cupboards...go through stuff that needs to be donated or stored differently.  It has been satisfying.  It has also been necessary.  Something that I have needed. 
But, it is a struggle these days. Nobody to hear me cry.  Nobody to even try to understand.  The world is a busy place and it doesn't stop so that I can have a meltdown.  That is a struggle too.  Knowing what to expect and what is too much to ask.  Mostly it feels like I am usually invisible.  I learned early to stay out of the way.  I guess it serves me well still.  Kinda.  I'm tired.  Sick tired.  Perhaps I will sleep better tonight and that will help....hard when I am sick.  But, I have to say that I am proud to be off of sleep aids.  And that generally I sleep ok.  Just sick and having a lot on my heart are taking a toll.  Think I'll curl up and watch a couple of shows and doze. 
grace to you.