Dishwasher

Not supposed to run it unless it's overstuffed.  I have it all loaded and ready to go, but I have it on delay because kids are taking showers......sigh.  This means that when he comes home, he will overload it, which means that this "saving money" technique will take the rest of us extra time to wash the dishes that come out because they will be dirty from being stacked in too tightly. 
I do like to save money, don't get me wrong.  But I am rather on overload.  It's like every single thing is monitored and judged.  It's uncomfortable.  That's the word of my life these days at home....uncomfortable.
Ill at ease.  Antsy.  Troubled.
And all night I've been thinking if love is supposed to bear all things then I don't know what that means.  Like, if someone is abused, should they just bear it?  And what is the line?  And how can I possibly know the heart of God on this?  I want to.  Honestly, He keeps leading.  At least, it feels as if He is....but, I just can't bear this.  Even in His power.  I am done.  I think God has allowed me to get to this point.  He has carried me very long, but it has enabled my husband to behave badly.  Maybe God has some work to do there?  I am simply not sure.  But I want to trust.  I want to let Him do His work.  I want to, but I still feel simply like a failure.