Positive

So tonight, in an effort to stay positive, at which, as you will see, I am failing miserably, I am trying to think of happier stuff.
I am positive that those weren't his car lights.  I am positive that I don't have to drive him to work tomorrow.  I am positive that tomorrow night is choir for him. 
I am positive that I can't do this.  Very positive on this.  Seriously positive. 
Tonight the world is too big.  Tonight the crap is too crappy.  Tonight I need a mommy and a blankie and a hot cup of tea.  Mostly the mommy.  You know, that person that supposedly wipes your tears and wants to make it all better?  I don't have one.  I don't get a new one.  Once yours is gone, there ain't no other.  And that stinks because I need her more now than when I was young.  I wonder if she would be proud of me.  Tonight, I'm pretty positive not. 
Kids are home.  Can't scream.  Can't sob.  Just suck it up and figure it out.  Again.  I hate this.