Life is Good

It's morning comes.  The sun rises again.  The birds sing again.  The world warms and wakes.  The buzz of the living begins.  So dependable.  Such a gift.
In some places in life it's hard to celebrate that.  It's such a simple gift that it's easy to overlook it.  It's easy to be unaware.  It's easy to dread it instead of embrace it.
I had gotten to a place in life where simply getting out of bed took the greatest act of commitment.  Where it frightened me more than called me.  I was depressed.  Sinking.  Still living, but becoming muted.  And in that place, all that is beautiful fades.  All that is amazing becomes commonplace and less intriguing.
A new day.  A gift.  Hours to spend.  To invest.  Go give away freely.  To love.  To seek truth.  To become who I am meant to become.
I must never allow this to become commonplace.  To become expected. There will come a day when the sun will not rise on me.  When my life will have come to an end.  Before that time, I want to live.  I want to drink in the lovely things of this life.  I want to experience God's love.  I want to know that He did something with my life that mattered.
Today began and I got up.  Enjoyed my morning routine.  Then came the confrontation.  And my heart and soul trembled.  So afraid.  Terrified.  He wanted answers.  Same answers.  But, wanted them again. This time though, I stood up for me.  More calmly than ever before.  I said what I  needed to say for me.  Well, for the most part.  Not EVERYTHING.  I DID have to go to work.  A confrontation gives time.  It helps him release tension.  I took responsibility.  I have allowed.  I made choices to choose not to fight.  I did not battle or push to battle.  I stated what I needed to.  Heard his answers.  Said I needed to get going.  Left.  Cried.  And yet, exulted.  I was not destroyed this time.  Not a quivering mass.  Well, a little bit.  But, able to function. 
Able to go on and see the beauty and goodness of this day.  Able to sense God's guiding hand.  His arm around my shoulder.  Not telling me that I am right.  Not telling me that I have a corner on truth.  Just telling me that I am His.  That He loves me.  That He understands where I am.  That He hurts with me.  And that He can hurt for my husband too.  I do get that.
I don't write about it much.  But I do not have a corner on God's understanding.  He cares and longs to lead my husband to a place of peace and understanding and grace too.  He's not on my side only.  That's the cool thing about God.  He is able to make life wonderful for BOTH of us.  Not at the cost of one or the other.  He has a plan.  A hope.  A future.
Life is good.  Not because everything goes right.  Not because I get my way.  Life is good because God is dependable.  The sun rises every day.  The seasons come.  The oceans go in and out.  And His work in my life is just as dependable.  And that is VERY GOOD.
Because I am not good.  AND, I am not bad.  I'm just me.  Forgiven.  Seen.  Loved.  Nurtured.  Held.  Protected.  By One who will not give up on me.  No matter what.