Our lives are a journey that we walk together not in order to become "good christian women," but rather to draw near to God so that we can reflect His light to those around us. Our stories, our paths, our dreams and our message are all unique. But we hold hands and walk boldly, fearlessly......onward...creating joy, hope, faith and peace in our wake.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Hey Girl, You're Gonna Make It After All

I am thinking that I am going to make it.  Maybe not intact as many would hope.  Maybe not as perfectly as I would have liked.  Maybe it won't look like my dream.  But, I do think that I will make it.  No matter how it looks, I believe that it can be good.  And, like "That Girl", I think I'm gonna make it after all.
Day by day.
I have to study and research.  Learn.
One little thing at a time.
Trying.
Giving.
Being willing to speak.  Today I just wanted to put it to words.  I got to my best friend's house.  I walked up.  I knew that I couldn't.  She knows much.  She knows me.  But to look someone in the face and say the things on my heart....the things that threaten to take me under....not sure that I should.  So, I will wait.  I will trust.  I will be patient with myself.  I'm worth waiting for.
I have had a good day.  Fear and trembling at moments, but mostly, just learning.  Seeking.  Listening.  Trying.  Not striving.  Simply giving it my best shot to be who I am supposed to be.  It's not easy.  But it's an interesting journey.
Will I be able to stand the crying?  The anger?  The disbelief?  The condemning heart spiritually?  Probably not, but I will be stronger than I am now.  And I will make it.

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