For the Good

So much happens in my life that is good.  Beautiful.  Praiseworthy.  Excellent.  There are wonderful young people all around me who teach me so much.  Who live inspiring lives.  Have big dreams.  Work hard.  I am honored to know them all.  Honored to be loved by them.
Sometimes, the constant lurking dread threatens to keep me from seeing things that are so good.  Threatens to pull the good out of focus.  But I choose the good. 
It is harder for me to keep life in little boxes since I have started this blog.  It's as if letting out the feelings and the truth of what has been happening in my life is like trying to plug up a dam that has sprung a leak. (I wrote damn and had to look at it again before I realized my error....).  I struggle to go back to the place of quiet surviving.  Of simply looking the part. 
I know that it is what makes me constantly on edge when I have to be at home with my husband now.  I don't have any interest in pretending.  I do it.  I try.  But it is massively difficult.
And I REALLY have no interest in fighting.  So, I am caught. 
But there is so much good in my life.  I've been blessed beyond measure.  My pain is great as well.....but really, it is overshadowed by blessings.  Because He has promised He'll work it all for the good.