Seeking the Face

This morning my crazy 7 month old "kitten" was laying on me on the couch.  It was early and I was still trying to rest.  He likes to get right in my face.  Likes to see me.  Be close.  I would turn my head and cover my face and he would slowly and patiently work himself around to that side...I'd twist, he'd rotate back around.  Until I finally covered my head altogether and he decided to just settle down and be content with how it was.
I have felt like that for years.  Like I've been trying to be close.  Trying to have something real.  But it is always out of reach.  So, at some point, I settled in and made the choice to live the life I'd gotten.
I've done it pretty well, I think.  God is good.  But, settling is not really my strong suit.  So, now I have to figure out what to do instead. It's a journey.  It's a good one.  Though unsettling.  God calls me.  Still.  He called me once, and I thought He was done.  I've felt unworthy.  I AM unworthy.  Yet, He calls to me.  Not to strive or fret, but to rest in Him.  To seek truth.  To live it.  To not be afraid of what is coming but to trust Him with the WHOLE story.  This is only a part.  So, instead of seeking this relationship, I will seek the face of Him who knows.  Who covers.  Who loves.  Who protects.  Who knows.