Steadiness

I have been being thankful that something has been instilled in me to make me strong.  Not hardened.  Not aloof.  Strong enough to still engage in life while going through the hard things. 
In the midst of it all, I have some very special things.  Very special relationships.  Beginning with my mom.  She loved me wholeheartedly and steadily.  I still can feel how her hand wrapped around mine to keep me safe.  I really never remember her yelling at me.  She talked with me.  She laid with me as I would go to sleep.  She was there.  She managed, even in the difficulties of her life, to remain present for me.  I think that perhaps that has been a huge foundation in a life fraught with pain and heartaches.  Though she died when I was in kindergarten, she left me a great legacy.  And, all along the way, God brought people with that kind of steadiness along to walk with me.  When I was a teen.  When I was in college.  Even now, as an adult, a person who is steady. 
I might not have things all together.  I might not always be likable.  But, having at least one steady person who sees but stays is probably what has kept me sane.  It is probably what makes getting up in the morning ok.  It makes a huge difference. 
I think that's why, without ever even realizing it, I like to encourage and tell my kids how loved they are by me.  How I cherish their differences.  How I am blessed by their presence in my life.  I want them to know the security of that steady love.  And, as they are growing up, I see them reaching out and having another friend or two who gives them that too.  I love seeing that.  Love seeing them reach out for it.  Love that they are not afraid to love and be loved. 
And, I hope that I've been a little part of giving them that gift.  Because that would mean that I passed along the gift that has been given to me. 
There are relationships that I feel overwhelmed by gratitude for.  I don't even know how to express it.  The complete immovability of the care.  The gentleness.  The thoughtfulness.  The bothering to actually know me.  Because of that knowledge, not just in my head, but deep inside, my life has been changed.  It has been kept.  My self....such as it is....has not been completely lost because there was another to remember.  To cherish who I am.  To remind me. 
That steadiness, that rock solid dependability clothed in tenderness, has saved my life in every way.  God knew and provided a way through the pain He knew would come.  I love that.