Joy in Growing

Managed to go to a baby shower.  Did ok.  Alright, so I hunkered in near a friend and made as little small talk as possible.  But, beyond that, I laughed and enjoyed and tried to forget for a few.  But, it still nagged at me.  Those women all around who are enough.  Who are valued.  Who have husbands who cherish.  Maybe they don't, I really don't know for sure.  But many of them do.  They are gaga.  And I am happy for them.  But I also feel bereft.  Like the woman who can't conceive with all of the women around having children.  It must be so hard.  Feeling like a failure.  Though it's not their fault.  In my case, it feels like my fault.
Like I failed at basic womanhood.  Makes me cringe.  Keeps me wondering what I could possibly do.  But, right now, I can't do anything.  Because I can't keep on as it has been.  I have said this.  I have given what I could.  But giving isn't what makes it better.  So.....I guess that I am the bad one. 
How lousy is that?  I strived to be "that woman".  Too elusive for me.
But, I made it through an event.  I couldn't get warm, but I did have a good time.  Was finally able to eat.  All in all, it was a success.  It was growth.  That brings me joy.