Word Twist

I really like word games.  I have to be careful because online has provided such fun ways to play and enjoy the games.  I generally have other things that I can better spend my time doing.  But, they are good for some down time.  Good for allowing me some peace.  Or some hiding for a bit.
But there are word games that drive me nuts.  In my marriage it has been a difficulty.  He is really smart.  He is adept at taking the way something is said and changing the meaning.  Today I was saying how I had spent so much time trying to make him happy and trying to keep things together that I had forgotten that I had another commitment too....to please God with the person He had made me to be.  I had used the rest as an excuse.  I was taking responsibility for my own decisions.  But, he came back with, "so, you think that you can please God by not being committed to your marriage." I was thrown.  It was as far from what I had said as could be.  Twisted.  Wrong.  Condemning. 
However, today, I saw it.  Took a breath.  Another.  Willed the tears in my eyes away.  Spoke.  "What I am saying is that my commitment to appeasing you or keeping you happy should not supersede my commitment to live my life before God or to allow Him to use my life as He has planned."
He didn't particularly get it, but I felt better to have said what I REALLY said.  What I really meant.  Communication is all about making sure that the message gets through.  Not just speaking, but asking questions and clarifying. 
And I told him that he better be thinking about what May was going to look like with graduation coming.  And the shock was priceless.  That I was not going to roll over and make it all ok was unthinkable.  Don't think I'm going to walk around trying to  make it bad either.  No.  I need to walk a fine line.  It's hard to get angry and to not sin.  To ascertain what is right and healthy and what IS sinful.  I don't want to destroy.  I just want to be redrawn in.  I want to not get erased.  I want to contribute to the world who and what it is that God made me to be.
I do love peace.  I do love truth.  Sometimes the seeking them is messy and hard.  But, seek I must.  Because God is always there where I seek.