Unseen Things

I've seen that all people have unseen things.  They have needs.  Hurts.  Pains.  Pleasures.  Sins.  Gifts.  Talents.  Abuses.  All things that go unseen by those around them.  If they don't speak them, it's almost as if they don't exist.  Like the tree falling in the forest; if nobody hears it, did it make a sound?  In life, the things that hurt me the most are like that.  They really don't seem to exist.  I know about them.  Now, you know about them, but you don't know me....so, in my real world, they don't make up much about me.  This disturbs me only in that I wonder how many people are hurting.  Deeply hurting and unable to connect and find out if what they are experiencing is common or not.
I didn't used to live this way.  I have gone back and talked to people who knew me well in college.  And, that's the thing...they knew me well.  I didn't feel the need to cover up or hide anything.  But, within marriage some things feel shameful.  They feel like maybe I should be ok with them, but I'm not.  I have a friend who can just put things so bluntly.  This I adore about her.  Makes me smile.  Feel freer.  Even with her, I couldn't share the unrest of my heart.  Not because I didn't trust, but because I couldn't put it into a neat little package to share.  I couldn't just blurt out one day, "oh, by the way...".  And it is different in marriage.  More shame is attached.  More sense of failure.  When I was single, if I screwed up it was no big deal.  I mean, really, nothing to really be ashamed of.
Those unseen things are real.  Even if nobody is around to "hear" it.  And though they aren't seen, they affect the seen things.  In my life, I find it difficult because I don't want to pretend, but I do want to be genuinely and deeply content.  I am a basically happy kind of person.  I really don't like stress and drama.  Probably part of why I am where I am.  I have a high tolerance.  But, I am a communicator.  I tell.  I tell again.  I tell in a different way.  I give an example.  It doesn't get me anywhere in my marriage except into a fight.  Oh, and that comes with a heaping side of guilt.  Apparently, I am learning, the things that I don't like are expected, are acceptable, are "right".  Sure.  I'm buying it.  Oh yeah, I forgot.....a brave new world.  I USED  to buy it.  All of it.  My fault.  My shortcomings.  My hangups.  My inabilities.  And now I don't.  And that has come at a great price.  Because now I have to pay for breaking away.  Now I have to be taught that he is good and I am not.  Now I have to face the idea that I am all wrong.  Maybe I am.  But I have complete freedom to have my own feelings.  My own experiences.  My own desires.  My own choices.  Without apology.  Even in marriage.
Unseen.  Those things make people feel unseen.  They did it to me.  Now, they are losing their hold.  Bringing the darkness to light.