Save Yourself

It's funny to me that we walk around as if we can save others from wrongdoing and evil.  I mean, here I am and I can't even save myself from despair or pain.  My own self.  And there's a whole world.....and yet, so many people out there trying to play God.  Trying to be sure that everyone is living right and doing the right things in the right way.  I know.  Because I am one of the ones who usually isn't do the right thing or doing the right thing in the wrong way.  I'm not willfully thus.  I just simply think and process differently, I guess. 
Yet, there are so many who are willing to tell the magic formula for the perfect marriage.  For raising obedient, kind, smart children.  For having a successful career.  I don't even know what successful really should mean.  I am so out of it.  To me, success is not denoted by dollar signs but by satisfaction.  By grace given and received.  By life changes, both in me and in others.  By time to show love and open doors of opportunity.  By being a hope giver.  I told you......my mind just works differently.
Yet, there are so many good people walking around trying to save everyone.  I wish that the good news of Jesus was the main idea in their story....but, often, He is put aside as an extra while what you should DO takes center stage.  Believe me, I get that faith without works doesn't exist.  But somehow, I feel like I live in a world that gives a huge list.  Especially to those who believe.  And says that God will keep on loving me and accepting me if I keep up the list, but that if I don't then He will walk out on me.
I know that they mean well.  But it doesn't work like that.  I know this because I am not able to keep up with the list.  From my thoughts to my actions, I mess up all of the time, both willfully and accidentally.  I barely can get out of bed without some act of rebellion or defiance or misbehavior.  I am not a mass murderer.  I am not a thief.  I am not an adulterer.  I have all of the biggies under control.  But the thing is that I don't think that they are the biggies.....I think it's the matters of the heart.  The every day stuff.  The who of who I am becoming.  And you know what?  I suck.  If there were a little gold star chart, I would be woefully short on stars.  And the thing I've learned?  God doesn't take it into account.  He meant it when He said that it was FINISHED.  I am not receiving the baton from Him and having to run the last of the relay on my own to show myself a winner.  He already declared it so.  Without my help.  Amazing.
How he can love me, I don't even begin to understand.  But that He does, I cannot doubt.  He has been there every day.  Every moment.  And for that I am eternally and moment by moment thankful.