This. Day.

Isn't it funny how I always know that THIS is the day that the Lord has made.  This one.  Not some other one.  Not some imaginary one.  This very one.  And during this day, if I choose, I CAN rejoice and be glad in it.  I used to think of it more as being thankful for the day....and to some degree, I still do.  Now, though, I have an added dimension.  I want to actively rejoice and be glad DURING it.  Not just give an assent that it was a gift, but to put in my heart and soul.  To allow myself to engage it.  To give something back to it.....that will in turn, change me as well.
Today will be a hard day.  For some reason, Sundays are.  Perhaps because I can't run?  I'm not sure.  Perhaps it is the mourning.  Not even so much for me...but for what HE might have chosen.  I won't fight him anymore, I don't think.  I fought for an awesome, fun filled, loving and kind mutually giving marriage.  I told him what I needed.  Over and over and over and over and over and over....and yet, he begins every time of conflict with a "non understanding" of what is possibly wrong.  Every time he ends a conflict, we go back to like nothing happened.  I mean, seriously?  Can ignoring possibly make things better? 
But in this day, no matter how some circumstances are, I can rejoice.  A son is was born nearly 18 years ago.  Who is wonderful and strong.  Who enjoys life.  Who works hard.  I can rejoice that the weather is beautiful.  Rejoice for breathing.  Rejoice and be gld.  Have a sense of well being even when things don't LOOK right.  Looks aren't everything. 
This weekend was hard on my heart.  Also it was enlightening.  Seeing more clearly can be all at once painful and healing.
Off I go.....choosing to rejoice and be glad.