Made it Through

The day was seemingly long.  Pleasant enough.  Tense for me, but good for others.  I am being punished.....no dishes will be done.  No help given.  I don't really care.  I'd rather do it myself.  I'm certainly not going to ask.  He made me ask for the money for the groceries.  Made it like I need to come to him.....stresses me.  I did that.  But this other....house stuff....nah.  I'll be fine. 
I am tired.  This was a long weekend.  So much emotion.  So much drama.  But, here I am.  Still standing.  Still feeling joy.  Still making the choice to LIVE.  To give.  I choose to be me.  Even if I'm not what people want.  And it's going to be hard this spring.  Because there will be a lot of people that will be sure to let me know how short I am falling.
As I saw people at church smiling and waving, I wondered....if they knew that I was so imperfect.  If they really knew....would they smile?  Or would they look the other way?  Would they walk the other direction?  I think that it's true.  They might.  Not because they are uncaring but because raw pain makes them feel vulnerable.  That if others can fall then maybe they can fall too.  What's funny is that we forget that we have all already fallen as low as we can......all in the same boat.  Declared righteous by the savior, not by our actions. 
Still, it's hard.  And tears roll down.  I feel like such a disappointment.
But, I made it through this day.  Breathed kinda at least.  Glad to see my kids smile.  Glad to look at pics.  Glad to love and take care.  Glad to make memories.  Glad for friends and family.
On to a work week......
oh, but if he alludes one more time to how we have to take care of the expensive cat, I might pop him one.  value does not come by the money invested in living creatures.  Or, he would suddenly be more valuable because of his surgeries.....ludicrous....right?