Drained

Up down Up down UP down
Seriously, what a weekend.  It has been full of emotions.  I am saddened.  Deeply.  I am elated.  Ecstatically.  I love that our kitty is alive and well and taking care of her sweet babies.  And I am worn out from feeling like I have to do the hard things and then......well, let's just say, someone else always behaves as if he did the right thing.  As if he wanted this.  As if it was his plan.
I've allowed this behavior.  Covered his a** so that his kids feel safe and secure.  Loved and like he's strong and protective.  But he never gets it.  He never steps up to do the hard stuff.  Is he just weak?  I don't think so.  I think that he is passive aggressive.  He likes to make things get to that difficult stage.  He likes to push it.  He likes to say I told you so.  It's weird.  How much pleasure can that bring?  I don't know.
I am going to be working a second job in a couple of months.  Planning money to take my son to his orientation weekend at his college.  Make a trip of it with the kids.  But, I know that doing this thing with the cat will mean he will say that I should put that money toward the cat.
His comment when we arrived home with a spunky kitty......better take good care of that cat, she's valuable.  She was already valuable.
Clueless.  Maybe.  I really don't know.  And I guess that I am worn out from trying to figure it out.
So tonight I am drying my hair.  Setting my alarm to get up and check mama and kittens to be sure all are well.  He is going to bed early because he didn't get much sleep last night.  Snort.
But, it is what it is.
Tomorrow is my son's birthday dinner.  Sketti it is.  And fun times.  And memories. And maybe I'm learning that you can only make memories for yourself.