Knowing. Doing.

There are things that I know.  I know that I do have rights.  I know that life is not fair.  I know that God loves me.  I know that there are people who care a lot for me.  I know that I have some gifts.  I know that I have some weaknesses.  I know that season follow one another in order.  That day follows night....and night follows day.  I know that giving begets growing.  I know many things.
Sometimes knowing and doing are very different.  Though I know something, it doesn't mean that I act as if it is true.  Often, I behave exactly the opposite.  I know someone cares....so, I push away.  I know that I'm being mistreated, so I try to stay.  I know that God loves me, so I live in constant dread or wondering.  It seems foolish.  Learning to walk in truth is more difficult than it seems.  It demands more than just a verbal assent.  It requires that I change my view.  It means actually not knowing about something, but staking my actions upon what I know.
This is going to be very hard right now.  There are some things that I know that require actions that I am not ready to take yet.  Yep.  You got it.  I am a chicken.  But, I prefer to call it being wise enough to wait until the time is right.  In other words, waiting until God allows me to be so uncomfortable that I must move forward.  Kind of feels like when I begin to feel like I need to vomit.  At first, I am still.  Try to hold it down.  Try to do anything not to hurl.  Eventually, however, there comes a shift of desire.  Finally, all I want is to throw up.  Get rid of the awful feeling.  It's funny how dreading the unpleasantness keeps me from doing something that causes increased unpleasantness until finally the original thing seems much more tolerable. 
That's where I'm at.  I have words that I am going to have to say.  They are not easy.  And, regardless of what I have been told or led to believe or treated as, I am kind.  I don't like to hurt.  To disappoint.  To cause hurt.  And it is going to hurt.  And it might not even do any good.  I've said my words before.  But these words are different.  I don't know when or how, but I know that by the time it's time, I'll know it.