A Psalm

Here I am.  Looking.  Searching.  In desperate need of You, O God.  Stretching out my hands, sensing Your presence, Your grace, but needing more.  O so needy, my God.  Needy of Your sustenance, Your strength.  Needy of Your holding power.  Troubled.  Can't find You.  Know You are here, but needing to be closer....just a little closer.  At that moment, of my great despair, a door appears in front of me.  And the Voice whispers, "knock."  I falter.  Holding back.  "I am not dressed well enough to see the King.  He will reject me.  I should go and change and come back later."
But I stand.  As though rooted into the spot.  And the Voice whispers again....more quietly than before, "knock."  I fall down.  Full of grief.  Knowing that the door leads to all that I need for life and that it leads to all that I don't deserve.  I have not earned it.  I am dirty.  Worn out.  Stinky.  In dire straits.  Nothing at all to offer.  Haven't even brought a gift.  I weep profusely with my face on the ground.  Not even daring to look at the door.  Knowing that it's not for me. I am not worthy. 
Even more quietly, nearly silently, "knock."  And in that moment of my greatest weakness, of seeing my darkest sins, I reach out one finger and gently, barely, knock.  The door swings open and I strive to look up.  Knowing I should explain.  Ask to be excused for me for intruding on the Great One.  He has not time for one as pitiful as me.
As the words form on my lips, as I strive to look up, I realize that there is no need.  He is on the ground with me.  His arms around me.  Crushing me to Himself.  Absolutely infiltrating me. Weeping my tears. Speaking, His voice, at once like a mother whispering to a sick child in the night and the cry of a soldier in victory.  And I sleep.
When I awake, He is still there.  Holding me.  Stroking my hair.  Holding me, but strangely in me.  "I will never leave you.  Nothing can push me away.  It will always remain thus.   I have been your Father.  Your Mother.  And now,  even now, I will be your Husband.  I am He who will provide.  I am He who will carry.  I am He who will shelter and protect.  I am He who will lift your head.  I am He who will crown you with glory.  I am He who will sing over you.  I am He who will forgive all of your sins...and remember them no more.  I am He who will remain with you always. I am He who will take great delight in you. I am He.  And you are Mine.  I will make a way for you.  I will keep you safe.  I will be enough for whatever need you have.  This is My promise.  Once you knocked, that was all it took.  You do not have to appease me.  You do not have to impress me.  All you need to do is remain with me.  I will remain with You.  Even if you forget sometimes.  All you will have to do is call out my name.  In My name you can do anything. All things are possible.  Trust Me."
And I rest.  Free from worry.  Singing.  Humming.  Smiling.  Knowing a secret.  I have met You, God, in Your secret place.  And You showed Yourself to be enough.  To be greater in goodness than all of my evil.  To be the one true and marvelous God.  Full of power and might.  Able to calm the most fretting heart.  My heart.
And I rest.  Knowing that when I wake, I will still be with You.