End of the Rope

I had an aha moment this morning.  I was reading another one of those posts about "end of the rope"  and holding on etc.....and it clicked:  there is NO END OF THE ROPE.  As a matter of fact, there is no rope.  There is nothing that I have to hold onto in order to survive.  "What about God?", you might ask.  Nope.  He says that He holds me in the palm of His hand.  No rope.  No striving to do it.  He's got me.  What about sanity?  Nope.  It comes with each decision, each moment.  I have spent so much time in life worrying about my rope that I didn't realize that it had become a CHAIN.  Something that binds me rather than rescues me or holds me near.  I am cared for.  I am cherished.  I am guided.  I am not required to somehow hold on in this world or I might fall off of the "rope" and never rise again.  Rather, each ending is a beginning.  Each hard moment has other moments that follow.  And as long as I have breath, I have hope.  And when I feel lost, He looks for me.  And finds me.  And when I seek Him, He is always to be found.  I don't have to strain or agonize.  It's not a contest.  It's not who does it best.  It's just....life.  A journey.  A path.  And He Himself lights the path.  As He did for the Israelites in the desert.  Aha moments are such blessings.  It was bad theology to give myself credit for holding on..or for beating myself up for "letting go".
I don't need to be bound or tied up.  I was created to be free.
Last night I asked a friend a question.  About drinking to relax.  I didn't understand her answer.  But, in searching online for what she had referred to (which was about something else completely, as it turns out), God showed me sites about al anon.  It was.....weird.  But, I know that it was not an accident.  It was a warning for me.  Not a chastisement.  Simply a "beware" sign.  My friend was an instrument.  God was holding on.  Seeing me.  Seeing me struggle.  Seeing that I was seeking answers.  And....He gave them.  It had nothing to do with how spiritual I was behaving.  Nothing to do with how hard I was holding on.  It had to do with seeking truth.  With desiring to live an upright life.
Nope, no ropes needed.  Nor chains.  And there is no end.  Because it's a path.  And the path weaves and goes through forests, plains and deserts.....but it doesn't end.  Even if I can't see the next turn or the destination.  It is faith.  And hope.  And being willing to put on my shoes and go after it again.  Or, sometimes, simply making camp, eating, sleeping and resting until I am strong enough to move on down the path
again.
Let go of the rope.  It's not holding you on   It's holding you back.
grace to you.