Yesterday Was Good

Yesterday I got up determined not to be a "burden" to my friends.  I decided that for that one day, I could figure out what to do and how to be without intruding.  I took my son to coach basketball.  I met a friend for coffee.  When I had just arrived there, my daughter texted an SOS that she was needing to be saved from the house.  My other friend went and rescued her for me.  I picked up my son from basketball.  Delivered him home.  Went out to put gas in the car and pick up my daughter.  But, my friend asked me to do some painting for her.  You have to understand...my friend is very kind to me.  I didn't know how to answer.  I was willing to help her, but on the other hand, I didn't want her to be asking because she felt like she had to offer me a haven.  She sensed my hesitancy and thought that I didn't want to help her....I was embarrassed to explain, but kinda did.  She said that she really needed me to paint.  I began after we ran to the store to get a new can of paint.  Then, she had to go to a meeting and I decided to go home to use my computer for a bit and then run to the store.  I wanted to buy a Lundy Bancroft book.  Went to Target....we have no bookstores left in our town.  I know, seriously?  My book wasn't there.  So, I thought about it and decided to drive the twenty minutes to a nearby town that has a nice big bookstore with sitting areas and even a coffee shop.  I went.  It was...exhilarating.  It felt so good.  Oh, and before that, I did a little thrift shopping.  Twas quite a nice afternoon, evening.  After my couple of hours at the bookstore, I called my friend to see if she had gone home yet...didn't want to mess up her evening time with her family  She wasn't there yet, so I went to finish painting. She brought pizza and shared it with me as well.  I brought wine in little bitty bottles to share.  She saved hers for another time.  We all watched tons of White Collar and finally I went home.  I'm not sure that I kept my commitment.  But it felt different.  Because I felt like I could make it if I had to.  That I was not dependent.  That I had choices.  That she did not have to "rescue" me.  That feels a lot better.  I am not a victim.  I am a strong woman.  I can do things.  But I am not REQUIRED to be strong all of the time.
grace to you.