Moving Forward

I am learning to do the hard things.  I guess that I shouldn't say learning because I've live with something hard for years.  But, I am learning how to stop living with that difficulty and choose something new.  I am learning to choose life.  To choose and embrace hope.  I am learning to face what it takes to do something new.....something that is painful.  But a better choice.  

And, I am learning that I NEED rest.  I shouldn't have to negotiate about that.  Shouldn't feel badly for wanting a safe place...a place that I feel at ease....to sleep.  I'm not sure that it's a right, but I do believe that it's an expectation that is ok for me to have.

For him, last week is over.  It's always that way.  Crush then move on and act like nothing happened.  But something did happen.  And it hurt me yet again.  But this time the hurting had a limited effect.  And though there has been a lot of fallout emotionally.....in the end, all he did was strengthen my resolve.  My desire to do things differently.  

It pushed me.  Pushed me into moving instead of waiting.  Made me began to look at the tough stuff.  Like how to lay out a parenting plan.  How to lay out the finances.  How to find a vehicle to drive.  How to keep my rental.  And, that is good.  

And I have been asked to sub by someone for five days in a row!!  And was complimented by how I do with her kids.  I love that.  She called me personally.  

I like subbing. Maybe it's moving forward to realize that my choices don't have to be what makes the MOST money, but what comforts and helps me in a lot of ways.  I like being with kids without the stress of all of the paperwork and politics and testing.  I like the professional interaction without the sucking up of all of my free time.  Having my OWN class would mean giving up as much as it gives.  So....part of moving forward is seeing what I want to do.  I want to be able to write.  I want to be able to have weekends.  I want to be able to do online business stuff.  I want to have a full...but not necessarily typical....life. 

Yep, I am moving forward.  It may look slow to onlookers.  Hey, it might even look like I'm standing still.  That's because, for me, a lot happens in my brain first.  The rest catches up.  

Today, in this very early morning............I woke up smiling.  That's progress.  That's moving forward.

grace to you.