He Came Home

So he came home.  And says he is taking the kids to school tomorrow.  Because someone else told him so.  And is sure that I am wrong about whether I'm working.  And whether I am available.  Though I made a fool out of myself in order to do it myself.  Made me have to talk to him.  The thing I was dreading.  It gives him and "in".  It gives him a way to show me how important he is to others in my life.  And I know it's true.  And I know that it's ok.  Rationally.  But some days it's harder to be rational.  Some days I just want to throw a temper tantrum and have my way.  Some days I just want to tell him to go get his own friends.  And some days I just want to tell everyone that I am taking a sabbatical from trying to walk this narrow line.  This place that I know is important but that is so very hard.  To learn to be a woman of honor even if others think that what I am doing is dishonorable.  To live with integrity and allowing things to be ok for him too.  I just don't know if I can do it.  It's like being a grape that is being squeezed......perhaps I'll become wine?  Or whine.
Man...who knew that growing up was going to be so hard?  I thought that those days had past.  But this is just as hard...if not harder.
Because now of all times, he is putting himself out there with one of our kids.  He is doing things he has never done.  And while I absolutely know that it is to show me something....I wish it could just be for the kid.
It has been a rough night.  Perhaps some sleep is in order.
grace to you.