Good Times

Sat and had dinner with my two youngest children tonight.  Their father has not been home at dinner time.....in what? Months?  A year?  It's so rare that we're stunned if he shows up.  Tonight we were going to have goulash.  I had made extra sauce last week and put it in the freezer.  However....welll.......somehow, what we found was chili sauce for stacked enchiladas.  We laughed and ate noodles with butter and spices.  We had a really good time at dinner relaxing and enjoying one another.  They make me smile.
There are those moments of pure, relaxed, treasured joy.
But, then I hear other things that stress me....get a text or have to try to plan with the husband.  Hard for me.  Nobody else gets how it's hard for me to do so.  How he uses every little thing he does like "look at what I did...".  Blech.  So, got that text and now I feel less relaxed and happy.
Still home with my kids, but somehow now he has intruded.  And it steals my peace.  My breathing changes.  My muscles tense and my heart beats faster.  I hate that.
I told someone today that I was getting separated when she was quizzing me about my husband.  Talking about his job.  How glad I must be that he's still there.  It was hard, but I just can't keep up this facade.  Has to end.  Even if he doesn't want it to.
I need more peaceful good times.
grace to you.