Step by Step

I take a step each day.  I am still learning to speak more openly.  To celebrate my little victories.  I am learning to keep walking.  Even when I am not feeling like it.  Because, much like when I take a hike up a mountain, at first it is burdensome.  It's hard to get going.  But, as I labor and keep going, step by step, the trip becomes an adventure and the scenery becomes beautiful.  As I walk through this emotional journey step by step, life gets more beautiful as I speak truth and learn to walk in a healthy way.  God loves me.  And step by step I am learning that He is not going to leave me.  When I started this blog, I thought that if I put it all out there and was completely honest about how life is that one of two things would happen in my life with Him.  Either I would be told to suck it up and make it work or I would be abandoned.  Never in my wildest thinking did I imagine that God Himself would journey with me to this place in life.  That He would strengthen me by His spirit.  That He would hold me close and comfort me.  I am........amazed.  Because step by step, I am learning how big He is.  And how light He wants to make my load.  

I haven't completed the journey.  I'm still walking.  As long as I'm breathing, that will be true.  But as I take each step, I am growing in confidence.  I am growing in strength.  I am growing in the ability to once again decide and take responsibility for my own life.  

I am finally able to manage knowing that some people are going to be very unhappy with me for saying that I want to be separated.  Some will be downright angry.  But, that's ok.  I don't have to please them.  They can love me or not.  And I am learning, step by step, that each kind of relationship will help me to grow into the woman I really want to be.  

Step by step.  Some days my feet get tired and I'm thirsty and feeling whiny.  But that's ok.  I have a Daddy's lap to retreat to.  And He is willing to carry me on up the trail after we rest for awhile.  I don't walk alone.  And I don't have to worry about what will come.  He has it.  He gets it.  He knew before I knew.  And, He wept for my pain when I was still thinking that I had to perform to please Him.  

grace to you.