Information. Learning.

The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his/her own emotional needs. You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of him/her. They care for you the way they care for a favorite chair. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs.

This quote from about.com gave me the shakes.  I was reading a divorce support section.  Just familiarizing myself with the differences of legal separation and divorce.  Then, there was a link to  a section about domestic abuse.  And, while I still have a really hard time saying it.....I clicked.  And I read about violent abuse.  Then came the section on non-violent abuse.  Then....there was the section entitled "passive aggressive"....I clicked again.  I told him on Sunday that he's passive aggressive.  He acts nice.  Friendly.  Like everything is all ok.  When it's not.  I've told him before....it's not like I can't see that your behavior is showing that you are angry though your words might not be that.  But then, on the second page, I came to that quote and it said what I've been trying to say to him.  What I've been trying to put into words for so very long.  I feed him.  He acts as if that is love.  But...it's not.  It hurts.  

So, that's my find of the night.  And it nearly made me physically ill.  It really isn't fun to find that you have been involved and hopeful and that it's all just kind of not real.  How sad.

Of course, it was probably good that I read it.  Because I keep thinking....maybe this is all just my fault.  Maybe I'm too hard to live with.  Maybe he would like me more and do better if........

I know....I KNOW, but it's so hard to just say it.  

grace to you.