Our lives are a journey that we walk together not in order to become "good christian women," but rather to draw near to God so that we can reflect His light to those around us. Our stories, our paths, our dreams and our message are all unique. But we hold hands and walk boldly, fearlessly......onward...creating joy, hope, faith and peace in our wake.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Pathetic

I hate being pathetic.  But that's how I feel today.  Knowing that my husband is going to be home tomorrow.  Knowing that I atm so emotionally drained that I can barely function already....and physically tired to boot.  And hating doing what I did this morning which was driving around after I took the kids to school so that I could avoid the time with my husband.  I just want him to go away.  But, I don't want to battle.  Because he can make it really hard if he wants to.  And that is not something I want to go through today.  I was getting stronger.  Maybe he sensed that?  BAM!! I just got it.  Maybe he realized I was getting stronger and had to push to put me back into trauma mode.  In trauma mode, I can't function very well.  It keeps me trying to keep the peace.
Well, I might be pathetic for a bit, but not like before.  And, to boot, I might be pathetic, but I'm not stupid.  I'm going to think and pray for the best way and then I'm going to do it.
Ha.  Love when writing makes me realize things.
grace to you.
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