God made this day. He gave it to me as a gift. A special present. All wrapped up with blessings and smiles and wonderful happenings. And, I had to make a choice. I had to choose to open this gift. To get out of my covers. To stand up. To get going. To take in a breath though it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I had to show up and receive all of the good that He wanted to give me today. Some days, just the basics seem like way too much. It seems too hard to keep up with the rest of the world. It seems too much to think about anymore than the hovering, sucking, lousyness of my marriage. But, that one relationship in this world does not define me. And my failing in that does not make me a failure.
This day was full of things to do. Full of things to be. And, I did some very well. And others, I completely messed up. Lately, I am not at my best at reading things. It's my usual gift, but right now, I am weary and worn and simply miss the cues. But...that's ok. It's just where I am. I have to keep my heart open for the amazing things that come. The love and smiles. The forgiveness and kindness. I have to allow myself room to heal. And healing includes pain. Learning to walk again is never an easy task....but knowing that you CAN walk again, is a most wonderful gift.
So, this is the day I was given today. I made the most of it that I could. And I kept my commitment to work at least three sub days a week though I awoke this morning with dread and a sense of wanting to check out for a few days. I'm glad that I did it. Glad that I set a goal. I need to make a minimum amount of money each month. And I have to be the mom. I have to be....the GROWN UP!!!
I will let go of trying to feel right and I will just accept that sometimes I am going to feel lousy and have to keep going. Other times, I will give myself time to moan and groan and hide away. Pity parties are useful.....if not over attended. Lately, each day feels so hard.
But, then I remember. THIS is the day that I am given to live. I don't want to miss out on the miracles and beauty that were created just for me. THIS is the day I get. So....this is the day I'm going to live and enjoy.
grace to you.
This day was full of things to do. Full of things to be. And, I did some very well. And others, I completely messed up. Lately, I am not at my best at reading things. It's my usual gift, but right now, I am weary and worn and simply miss the cues. But...that's ok. It's just where I am. I have to keep my heart open for the amazing things that come. The love and smiles. The forgiveness and kindness. I have to allow myself room to heal. And healing includes pain. Learning to walk again is never an easy task....but knowing that you CAN walk again, is a most wonderful gift.
So, this is the day I was given today. I made the most of it that I could. And I kept my commitment to work at least three sub days a week though I awoke this morning with dread and a sense of wanting to check out for a few days. I'm glad that I did it. Glad that I set a goal. I need to make a minimum amount of money each month. And I have to be the mom. I have to be....the GROWN UP!!!
I will let go of trying to feel right and I will just accept that sometimes I am going to feel lousy and have to keep going. Other times, I will give myself time to moan and groan and hide away. Pity parties are useful.....if not over attended. Lately, each day feels so hard.
But, then I remember. THIS is the day that I am given to live. I don't want to miss out on the miracles and beauty that were created just for me. THIS is the day I get. So....this is the day I'm going to live and enjoy.
grace to you.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Go ahead. Make my day. Leave me a comment.