Ready. Willing. Able. Not interested.

Today I really worked through my feelings about my pending interview.  I prayed.  At first, I thought that I really WAS  a coward.  But, after awhile, I realized that I really don't want that job.  It would mean giving up too many things.  The drive is easily 45 minutes each way...on a clear day.  And, the school hours would mean that I would never get to take my kids to school nor pick them up.  Add to that the fact that taking an hour and a half out of the day would simply take away time to write or do things that I am loving, and it just wasn't a good fit.  On top of all of that, I'm not sure that adding the stress of a long drive, not seeing my kids in the morning AND the new full time job to my life of sleeping on a chair is really a good choice.  And, that's the thing....it's a choice. My choice.  I prayed.  I thought.  I wondered if I should take it just because it was a job....and then I remembered the kids...the ones I'd be teaching....I want to do it with the best I've got, not with reservations.  So, for this instance, I called and said that I'd be pursuing something else for now.
I should have known that I needed to be listening when I had 4 days lined up at the school I love for next week alone!!!  And, there is a full time job that isn't teaching if I want to pursue that.  No work at home is a good thing right now since I tend to freeze up and become pretty useless when my husband is home.
I'll keep looking, but I will also keep my mind and heart aware of how I really feel and think.  I don't want to make a decision just because it is an opportunity...I want to choose the best opportunity for me.
grace to you.