$750 of love...pure love

No, money does not equate to love.  But being selfless does.  I bought my son's ticket for Texas tonight while he was over visiting.  It was fun.  He only gets about 31/2 days for our over $300.  Hey, a hundred bucks a day to give him time with his Pop that he loves....that's beyond priceless.  He was so excited to be getting to go!  So happy.  So willing to go in to pay for it...though I didn't take him up on it.  He was jazzed.  A vacation.  Mini though it may be.  Then, I bit the bullet and paid for the flight to bring my boy back from college....I'll get to have him for a week before he takes off to TX as well.  I bought my other son's ticket to TX a few days ago.  So...three tickets.  To send the boys I love away from me.  On Christmas.  And it's HARD.  Desperately hard.  Intense.  An ache deep at the core.  And a joy.  How can that be?  Because I made this CHOICE.  Because what might have been used to manipulate or trick or take away from me by my ex, I turned into something great for my kids.  I made it a big, exciting deal.  Yep.  I rocked it.  In my own way.  It was pure love.  Intense love.  Mama love.  A gift.  Freely given to them because they are the joy of my heart.
pure love.  not demanding.  not conditional.  not based on performance.  it feels soooooo good....in a really hard, way to painful way.
Yet...I'm happy.
blessings.
What I perhaps didn't mention.....this means no bed for me for awhile.  I will have to make do with my cot.  That's ok.  It's worth it.  It didn't even occur to me until afterward....it's all about choices.  I get to choose this.  This really good thing.  How nice it will be for them to be with family.  Life is not all about me.  Well....sometimes it is, but I'm learning.....loving....growing....seeking....choosing....being me.  I'm kinda nice.   I like that about me.