Inter-dependent. Intra-dependent. Co-dependent. Independent. Dependent. So many kinds. So many ways. When it says, "lean on me, when you're not strong, I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on......." what kind of dependence is that?
What is good and healthy. Am I allowed to miss people? Is it ok to feel a sense of loss? Is that too much? Should I be more independent? I worked so hard to be less independent and more dependent. But, I want to do it in a healthy way. My ex needed me. But it wasn't in a healthy way. I want to be healthy. I want to be whole. I want to learn. I want to grow.
I really want to call my friend and catch up and see how things are and how she is doing dealing with so much. But, I also just want her to have time. To get to disconnect a little. I want to be wise.
I think that I used to know better. I lived a long time in an unhealthy way. It warped me. I have stress over it. When people talk about dating or (heaven forbid) remarrying....all I can think is that I don't have a clue how I would even be at doing that. I have much to learn about me. I have to figure out why I allowed myself to be in the situation I was in. Why I chose a man who behaved in such a needy way that it was controlling. Charming....but not nice. Not to me. Why?
I have to learn that what to do all depends on each circumstance and that I really am a good friend. I don't always do the right thing, but my heart does reach out. And because I desire to love and encourage, I believe that the rest will follow.
So much to think about. How is it that some people just do it so naturally?
Wish I did. Now. I used to. But, I got damaged. Gotta get out of the wondering place and back to allowing myself to be me.
blessings
What is good and healthy. Am I allowed to miss people? Is it ok to feel a sense of loss? Is that too much? Should I be more independent? I worked so hard to be less independent and more dependent. But, I want to do it in a healthy way. My ex needed me. But it wasn't in a healthy way. I want to be healthy. I want to be whole. I want to learn. I want to grow.
I really want to call my friend and catch up and see how things are and how she is doing dealing with so much. But, I also just want her to have time. To get to disconnect a little. I want to be wise.
I think that I used to know better. I lived a long time in an unhealthy way. It warped me. I have stress over it. When people talk about dating or (heaven forbid) remarrying....all I can think is that I don't have a clue how I would even be at doing that. I have much to learn about me. I have to figure out why I allowed myself to be in the situation I was in. Why I chose a man who behaved in such a needy way that it was controlling. Charming....but not nice. Not to me. Why?
I have to learn that what to do all depends on each circumstance and that I really am a good friend. I don't always do the right thing, but my heart does reach out. And because I desire to love and encourage, I believe that the rest will follow.
So much to think about. How is it that some people just do it so naturally?
Wish I did. Now. I used to. But, I got damaged. Gotta get out of the wondering place and back to allowing myself to be me.
blessings
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