Advice

I have been advised to go back to the e.r.  To make the doctor do something.  But going only makes me feel stupid.  Like I'm worrying needlessly.  My leg does bother me, but they say that those veins will hurt.  So, I don't know how to get my questions answered.  It's so hard.
I manage the pain.  I try to do healthier things.  Although...tonight, I polished off a load of ice cream.  Mostly, I have been less hungry.  Kinda tired and weak.
So...glad to have a day to rest later tomorrow.  Very glad.  Sooooo.....gladddddd.....
I hear all of the words.  I understand all that they are saying.  I get that I need to take care of myself.  I really do.  I even gave it such a good shot going to the e.r. at the beginning of the week.
I don't do very well when I'm not...heard.
I'm really struggling with that on many fronts in life right now.  I feel like everywhere I turn I am kind of an aside.  At the doctor...at the e.r. too....I didn't feel like they were really listening to me.  When I'm with people, it feels like they are tuned out for the most part....so many other things going on in life these days.  So many distractions.  There's not a person to be with that is actually with me.  I used to love car time with my kids or with friends because you could connect.  But now, everyone is busy connecting with someone else.  I'm pretty lame in that realm.  Unless someone needs something...my phone rings not.  Shoot, the doctor won't even call me.  hahaha.  Pretty pathetic.
I watched tear jerkers and bawled my eyes out tonight....needed it.  Because it's hard to have to go to bed for me.  And there really isn't a choice once I get home at night.  I'm not able to do more.  Not that I don't want to...I CAN'T.  That's unusual.  I'm pretty tough.
Went to Wal Mart tonight...finally got that heating pad.  But boy, getting around the store after my day.....it was grueling.  Guess it was good to get it though.  Feels good.  Keeps me from having the chills with my fever.  And helps with the leg pain.
And I realized that my favorite church service will probably be attended by my ex.  Blah.  But at least he hasn't asked for them for Thanksgiving.  Guess since he has Christ;mas all wrapped up...
but I should decide what time we are eating.
I have a really good life.  I adore my work.  I like who I am.  Though often, I wish that I was different for the sake of others.
Truth is though....lately, I've been struggling to stay on my feet.  Literally.  I can't sit too long.  Today I did.  That was killer...had meetings.  It worries me because I had been doing so well.  But, I do know that my body has some physical things it has to fight through in this healing process.  The emotional and physical are attached.  And while I feel guilty and troubled to be hitting my bed every night for the last five nights...it won't kill my kids.  I'm sure of it.  But...I wish that they would help a little.  I don't even have it in me to organze that.
So tired.  So much pain.  Nobody gets that.  I get tired of trying to explain.
I just want to feel better.  Clean my house.  Be ready for my son's bday party.  He has friends coming over.  Don't know if I can do it.  Usually Ican push it. We'll see.  This time....it's bad.
But still...it's break.  It's THANKSGIVING!!! I love that!!!  In the midst of it all.....so very thankful.
blessings.