The Retaliation

I went and read the feedback on the Christianity Today article that I shared...the one by David Instone-Brewer.  Let us say that other Christian scholars were offended.  They were in disagreement.  They kept up the old arguments.  But, while I was at first disheartened, I suddenly gained courage.  You see, that article was written in 2007.  I prayed just a few days ago for God to show me what I needed to see.  For the first time, in all of the looking I've done, this article came up.  I think that God had a message for me.  I think that He has a message to the world.  He does not like bullies.  He does not like those who are stingy.  Who talk badly.  He does not like those who hold others down.  Strangely, He didn't abolish slavery, but rather told people how to have relationships.  How to honor.  How to work together.  I think that this article shows a lot.  The author goes on in one of his rebuttals to talk about how his whole point was that God does NOT allow divorce for just any reason.  He was not looking for a loophole.  He was looking to portray the whole heart of what God was saying.  It goes with the whole idea that the sin of sexual immorality isn't simply that someone had sex...it's what is in the heart...and therein is what causes divorce.  True divorce.  Not paper divorce.  But the kind where one person simply does not trust, love nor find it able to be committed to the other any longer.  That though trying has been immense, something so hurtful has permeated their lives and habits that it can no longer be dealt with by "I'm sorry".  There comes a time that divorce has already occurred.  And then, one of them fills out the paperwork.  That is how it was for me.  I was already divorced.  I had already gotten to that point of no return.  The lack of care, the abuse of power/money, the stinginess, the looking down on....finally, there was the realization that he did not love.  He would say he did.  Use words.  But his actions tore me down.  They destroyed, not built.  They hurt me within the walls of where I should have been the safest.  In that place, I felt the most stress, the most pain.
Divorce occurs.  True divorce is not a whim.  It's not even about someone else or another relationship.  It's about a place in the spirit that turns away from the other person.  A place that realizes that it is impossible to continue on with them connected to you.  It's like having one of cojoined twins dying.....you have to separate them or both will die.  There are times that divorce happens.
Unfortunately , there are those that are beating the same drum of how evil it is.  How God hates it.  YES, He does.  He hates that mankind fell.  He hates that they were cast out of a perfect relationship with Him.  He hates that they slander and gossip and commit acts of evil.  He hates that they manipulate and trick.  He hates their lying, deceiving words.  He hates how they think bad thoughts.  He hates that they divorce.  He HATES evil.  But He does NOT hate the people.  He died for them.  He provided a way for them.  He loves them.  Without ANY conditions.  None.  And He saves them with a promise...if they simply say yes.  Not if they do things afterwards.  Not if they look good.  Not if they make a certain amount of money.  Not if they vote right.  Not if they DO anything.  Just if they say yes to His gift.  Period.  Grace.  Given.  Shown.
He's amazing...can hate the evil and love the perpetrators.  I'm learning about that.  I hate what my husband did.  I am learning to reconcile the fact that I loved....and perhaps will always love to some degree.  But not in a bound way.  It's like those co-joined twins.  You can't hook them back together.  You wouldn't want to.  No, this decision was a crossroads.  A moving on.  This was the beginning of new choices and new decisions.  This was AFTER the divorce occurred.  After it was broken.  This was not an effort to pull us back together.  To make a point.  I had tried to make the point for years..."I am hurting so much and if this behavior, these habits continue, then I will eventually be so broken that I won't be able to do this anymore."  It was a cry of my heart, not a threat.  He didn't ever get it.  Still doesn't.
The sad part is that he never will know what divorce truly is because he doesn't get what love is.  It's not getting what you need or want.  It's not just being committed.  It's seeing.  They eyes of the Lord rove over the earth....seeking.  Love is seeking.  Seeking good.  Seeking kindness.  It's putting a banner over the beloved.  It's so much that has nothing to do with paperwork.  Marriage is not about being selfless...it's about using your self to build another self that is complete and whole.  It's mutual building.  While what I tried to do was die to self for him....turns out I had it wrong.  I only die to self for God.  I serve others because I'm doing what God asked.  Because I am fulfilling His plan in and on my life.
Yes, speaking about divorce brings retaliation.  Because it brings fear.  Fear that if we don't keep people locked in with rules then there won't be any difference within the church than without.  Well, with the rules, there is ALREADY no difference.  Perhaps a new approach would be beneficial.  And would go a long way in healing people who have suffered divorce.  Because this kind of divorce that I'm talking about is horrific.  It yanks apart one back into two.  But, it DOES happen.  Even when we are vigilant.
blessings.