I seem to be incapable of saying the right thing. I care about people. I am interested in their feelings, hopes, needs, lives....but, somehow, I just can't do it well. And it hurts. To feel so...inept. It made me cry yet again today.
Nobody is mean to me about it. It's just that after I say something or ask something, I figure out that it was stupid. And so...increasingly, I find myself just wanting to not interact. I just am tired of risking and feeling so stupid.
I went through so much. Lived through so much. And I don't want to keep feeling so inadequate. But, maybe....I am. Maybe I am just so different that I'll never really fit in.
I used to do pretty well. Or...maybe I just had friends that liked weird? I don't know. I just know that I am sitting here again, crying and wishing that I was able to just relate like others do.
It's too hard.
I guess I'll just give up on that for now. Just rest and be still and not interact too much.....because the interacting feels bad when I end up saying the wrong thing when I am just being me. I wonder if one day I'll just get it right? Not thinking so. Maybe I'm too damaged. Too hurt. Maybe I just don't get how people work anymore.
Communicating is so important to me. So...this is hard. Very hard.
Gonna go. Need to get myself together.
grace to you.
Nobody is mean to me about it. It's just that after I say something or ask something, I figure out that it was stupid. And so...increasingly, I find myself just wanting to not interact. I just am tired of risking and feeling so stupid.
I went through so much. Lived through so much. And I don't want to keep feeling so inadequate. But, maybe....I am. Maybe I am just so different that I'll never really fit in.
I used to do pretty well. Or...maybe I just had friends that liked weird? I don't know. I just know that I am sitting here again, crying and wishing that I was able to just relate like others do.
It's too hard.
I guess I'll just give up on that for now. Just rest and be still and not interact too much.....because the interacting feels bad when I end up saying the wrong thing when I am just being me. I wonder if one day I'll just get it right? Not thinking so. Maybe I'm too damaged. Too hurt. Maybe I just don't get how people work anymore.
Communicating is so important to me. So...this is hard. Very hard.
Gonna go. Need to get myself together.
grace to you.
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