Our lives are a journey that we walk together not in order to become "good christian women," but rather to draw near to God so that we can reflect His light to those around us. Our stories, our paths, our dreams and our message are all unique. But we hold hands and walk boldly, fearlessly......onward...creating joy, hope, faith and peace in our wake.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

If I Didn't Clean Up, Nobody Would

These were the words spewed from my nearly 18 year old today.  Who had done absolutely nothing...including picking up his dishes nor his trash, in at least two weeks.  He has not helped at all.  Nada.  I have done his laundry.  Haven't griped at him.  Haven't held him accountable to it though his siblings are being forced to help.  He was being mean to me because he wanted to have company and I said that he needed to help around his house first.  He was offended.  It made him angry.  He belittled me.  He was smug.  He was mean.  All in an effort to make me feel guilty for not doing a better job at keeping up on our house.
I do feel badly.  It is completely overwhelming because the three kids do NOTHING without  being asked and or a battle.  No dishes.  No floors.  No bedrooms.  No laundry.  No cooking.  They are in that place right now.  And I get it.  But...I also get that I deserve some grace too.
I told him not to be mean to me.  Not to gripe at me.  I don't deserve bad treatment even if I don't keep his home as he wishes it was.  Nothing I ever do is.  If I make dinner, it's not right.  If I order dinner, he sniffs and says he guesses he can eat it.  He saunters in when he chooses and lifts up his failing self esteem by knocking others down.  Especially me.
It does hurt.  But, I also laughed at him.  Really???  Did you just say that???  You don't do ANYTHING.  You swish a dish rag over the counters for a few minutes occasionally.  Or you throw away the trash that you had sitting in the living room for two weeks....and then you act as if it's a big deal.  Wow.
I hope he gets past it.  I hope he learns to see more clearly as he gets on his own.  I'm ready to not have anger in the house.  I know that he has stuff.  But, he is so self absorbed.  That has been his habit.  Wants everyone to do what he needs, what he wants, how he wants.  Hmmm.  Sad for that to sound familiar.
Anyway, he did clean up a little bit.  He did settle down.  I just hate how it has to go through that cycle before there's peace.  It hurts me.
blessings.

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