Made it

I went to my favorite service of the year.  And, though it was uncomfortable in some ways to be there....to have people telling me how my husband sang so well this morning and all...and having to smile and be polite because I don't know what to say in front of my kids....And though people don't get it....I went.  I was brave.  And this year was better than last year.Because this year I didn't have to fake.  This year, I AM apart from him.  I didn't just have to avoid him.  Well, I did avoid...but he wasn't allowed to make me pretend.   To act as if things are good.  Things were not good.  They were painful.  I was glad to not be part of a charade.
I make people feel awkward though.  And I want to say, "you think YOU feel awkward?"  But, I just make it through.  Am as polite as possible.  Some people don't talk to me at all anymore...as in, they won't even look at me.
Guess they have heard from him that I'm the evil one that did this horrible thing.  I just have to let it go.  I wanted to go to this service, and I did.  I didn't get up and share what I was thankful for because I figured that would make people uncomfortable.  Instead, I wrote how happy I am for peace.  For healing.  In my children's lives too.  It's coming.  In time.
It's tough.  But it is real.  Not pretend.
I am happy to be laying down now.  I am tired.  My leg is hurting.  I've had a strange headache.
good night.  Happy Thanksgiving week!