I do like my life. Though there are things that have gone awfully wrong. I do like the fact that they can get back on track. I like the fact that I was strong enough to say that I wanted them back on track. That I didn't just settle for the rest of my life for the unhappy circumstances in which I found myself.
I am struggling with my kids being gone over Christmas....and actively helping them to go. Weird, I know, but they have a very special grandpa to go see before he isn't with us anymore. And, I am very relieved not to have to go there to visit my mother in law anymore. Or have to interact with my ex as he falls under her spell again as he enters his childhood home. Somehow, it was all just very unhealthy. He never understood that I never wanted him to be mean to her. Or disrespectful. I simply wanted him to show that he was nice to me. That I mattered. That he could love both, but that we had a life together. He couldn't do it. He and she are peas in a pod.
So, I wake up this morning texting with my on his own son how we will get him there. I don't have much money, but I want him to see his grandpa. I know that it matters. And, my married son...I sucked it up and told my ex that it would be a nice Christmas gift to pay the way for he and his wife and little boys to go for Christmas. It would be awkward in some ways. But, again, their grandpa would be thrilled. It would be a gift like no other. Not sure they could even go with work and all....but if they could, it could go a long way towards healing. That relationship with our adopted son has always been rough because of my mother in law. Because my husband never stood up for our adopted son. Never made it clear that he was to be given the rights of family. This could help. I'm just not sure that he could stand up even now. But, if he could, there could be healing.
Healing. It goes with my "balance" word of the year. Because balance helps me to heal. I want to get better. I want to be real. I want to give my heart and soul, but I really want to also give to me. To see how I can grow and become. It's going to be fun and exciting. A journey.
And part of that begins today. Right now. As I take the time. As I try to make my house a home. As I enter into healing.
blessings.
I am struggling with my kids being gone over Christmas....and actively helping them to go. Weird, I know, but they have a very special grandpa to go see before he isn't with us anymore. And, I am very relieved not to have to go there to visit my mother in law anymore. Or have to interact with my ex as he falls under her spell again as he enters his childhood home. Somehow, it was all just very unhealthy. He never understood that I never wanted him to be mean to her. Or disrespectful. I simply wanted him to show that he was nice to me. That I mattered. That he could love both, but that we had a life together. He couldn't do it. He and she are peas in a pod.
So, I wake up this morning texting with my on his own son how we will get him there. I don't have much money, but I want him to see his grandpa. I know that it matters. And, my married son...I sucked it up and told my ex that it would be a nice Christmas gift to pay the way for he and his wife and little boys to go for Christmas. It would be awkward in some ways. But, again, their grandpa would be thrilled. It would be a gift like no other. Not sure they could even go with work and all....but if they could, it could go a long way towards healing. That relationship with our adopted son has always been rough because of my mother in law. Because my husband never stood up for our adopted son. Never made it clear that he was to be given the rights of family. This could help. I'm just not sure that he could stand up even now. But, if he could, there could be healing.
Healing. It goes with my "balance" word of the year. Because balance helps me to heal. I want to get better. I want to be real. I want to give my heart and soul, but I really want to also give to me. To see how I can grow and become. It's going to be fun and exciting. A journey.
And part of that begins today. Right now. As I take the time. As I try to make my house a home. As I enter into healing.
blessings.
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