Apologies

There are times for apologies.  Today, I owe one.  To a friend.  I allowed my personal life to affect someone else adversely.  I did what I needed to do without thinking it through.  So, I need to apologize.   And be sure not to do it again.  I know how lousy it feels to end up in the middle.  The most amazing thing though....I realize that I didn't handle it exactly right, but I also realize that what I did WAS what I was being asked to do.  Like the times that I have given to this fund at church that is for the local community...it meets needs for anyone in the community.  When I am there and they collect money for it, I give what is in my purse.  Sometimes that's a lot.  Sometimes it's not.  I always feel badly when I have nothing.  And, when I go by the homeless, I am making a point to give.  I am investing.  Not in a portfolio.  In lives.  And trusting that God has a purpose.  He always has in my life.  Day to day.  Year to year.  He keeps on moving.  Keeps on giving.  It's not like He gave once and He expects me to dig a hole and keep it safe.  I want to have open hands.  Open heart.  Have to practice both. 
And the coolest thing isn't in giving...it is in giving and then seeing those who were given to giving too.  Or noting how they give first because they are being kind....even if it's not easy.  That blesses my heart.  Bolsters my faith.  Encourages my spirit. 
But, I messed up.  Because I didn't make sure that I had already taken the "heat" for it.  Won't happen again.  But I still need to say I'm sorry.  Say that I understand.  Because I know how it feels to be given to and then made to feel guilty.  I know very well. 
Beyond that part, I am just so thankful that God is helping me to overcome.  To come back out.  To face life again.
So much more growing to do.  I'll probably always be a mess in some way...but maybe less of a mess?  Not sure.  But if being a mess will bring growth and glory and renown to Him...then, I guess a mess I'll be. 
grace to you.