Blech

So, the "when do you get paid?"  What will you make?  It has all started first thing this morning.  Drives me crazy.  Seriously  He must not care how much he hurts me.  Does it all of the time.  Then it was, "well, I guess that I need to take the van in for an oil change unless you could be sure to take it in next week..."  I said, "I don't need the van today."  But, I feel badly because he is making the two kids who wanted to simply go to the bank walk from the oil place to the bank and back.....all they wanted was to get out and deposit money.  I knew that I should have taken them. 
I avoid his pursuing getting the cash from my account.  Diligently.  So that I can use it for the kids.  For getting the "other" things. 
Do you know that I can count the times in twenty years that I have bought makeup?  Or perfume?  Or hair barrettes?  Do you know how hard it is to have such simple things be made so difficult?  I just don't ask anymore.  And yet, he sometimes notices and asks, "where did you get that?"  I just don't know how much more of it I can deal with.  I keep trying to think the best about him, but I need to remember how easily I was fooled.  I bought the good guy routine. 
Guess I better get a better job or work more or something.  I need to pay off getting my two boys started.  I need to start a savings.  And I need to visit my kid.  Somehow it always works out.  I'm not worried about this aspect.  I am simply trying to make it as easy on him as possible.  Because I am not going to spend my life listening to how I needed his money. 
Need sanity break!
grace to you.