To Know and Be Known

Created.  For purpose.  To know.  And to be known.  To inter-relate.  To thrive on relationship.  God created for relationship.  Not because He was bored.  Not because He had some power thing going on.  For relationship.  Such a deep need of the heart.  No matter what we do with God in our lives, that ache, that need, that desire.........to know and be known......remains. 
And He fills it.  He fills us.  I used to think that He filled with only Himself.  But, you know, He could have done that for Himself as well, because He is already enough.  What I've learned is that He allows us to learn to be a bit of "filling" for each other.  It's such a gift.  To be a part of the history and story of others. 
I thought that I could make it on my own.  I am one tough cookie.  I can do a lot of things.  And, I might be able to.....what I've realized is....I don't want to.  I want to experience the gift of knowing and being known for all of my life.  So, that cave that I crawl into?  Those fears that assail as I wonder how anyone else can stay if the one who "loves" me is so shamed by me?  They are nothing but choices I get to make.  I don't have to live there.  I can choose to do it differently.  Even though my hands shake and my heart pounds.  Because.....it's worth it. The people I care about......they are SO worth it.  Every day.  Especially on bad days.  Don't know why, but it's those days that solidify the facts.  That make me know that it's not just because everything is good.....that it's deep and meaningful and most importantly.........REAL.  More real than someone who wants to toss who I am and who I can be aside.  Because I get to choose which one to allow to be my future.  People who really care.  Or a person who pretends to care to get what he wants.  Hmmm.  Why do I struggle so much?  Why don't I believe I'm worth more than that?  Because I've practiced wrongly.  But, that has been ending.  New thoughts.  New ways of living.
grace to you.