You Might Be Thinking

You might be thinking..."for all that you talk about grace, you don't seem very gracious to your husband."  And, know this, I think about that quite often.  The best I can explain at this point in life is that I have to tell the truth.  I have to learn to forgive.  And, though I forgive and though I see that he is as deserving of grace as I.....it needs to come from God.  Not that I don't give it, but the way I give it now has to come with a good dose of understanding what it takes for me to survive as well.  I gave it for a long time without thought to what living life meant.  I gave up my self respect and self kindness.  I made him look good.  I thought that I was doing the right thing.  Maybe I was.  I can't really tell you.  I don't think so, though.  Love AS you love yourself....unless you stop loving yourself to love someone else...then what happens?  Then, who are you? 
Yes, I believe in grace.  Deeply.  Profoundly.  I believe that there's enough for each and every one of us.  And, I believe that the way I am giving grace to my husband right now is to try to put on the brakes so that the pain and "sinfulness" doesn't continue on and on and create more and more problems.  I am not trying to live without grace towards him, but with grace.  So that I will be able to live without hatred or meanness towards him.  I mean, when you get to the point that he doesn't show up at night and you really don't care if something bad happened...or that it would be easier if something had....then it's time to take stock of what true grace really looks like.  Allowing bad behavior to continue is not gracious.  Allowing more and more hurts to pile up is not either.  Truth is gracious.  He deserves grace.  And there is enough for him at the same place there is enough for me....at the cross.
grace to you.