Saving

I started putting money in my bank again.  Clink clink...all the way to the bottom.  But, it won't be long.  It will add up faster than I think.  I still have trouble believing that he thinks that taking my birthday money is ok.  Isn't the first time.  But it still astounds me.
For the first time I am buying make up and hair things when I need them.  Not worrying.  Well, ok, worrying a little, but doing it anyway.  I'm getting what I need and not apologizing.  Anytime I get ANYTHING, he shows me a bill or says that he needs money for something.  Yet, the same person uses money for himself.  Complains if the meals don't have all of the things he wants.
I'm saving.  To prove to myself that I can begin again.  That being hurt doesn't mean the end.  Just start over.
He is counting my sub days to figure out how much money to expect.  Funny.  He doesn't get that I use that money to buy things the kids need.  Or to make up on the grocery bill.  Or to get clothes.  Or to have coffee out.  I guess I should start making more.....so I can have a nest egg.  I don't really want to because it's easier to tell him, "nope, nothing in there...".  Don't want to lie.  Not sure how to handle it if I start a savings.  Wish I had a mama.  I'd give it to her to hold for me for sure.  That way I wouldn't have it......until I needed it.
Yep, I started over.  Because I can.  Because I must.
I just wonder....why does he stay?  It is as if it is power giving.  Ego building.  It doesn't boost me up or make me feel hopeful.  It makes me feel....creepy.  It's strange.
But, strange or not, I am starting again.  Moving forward.  Choosing to see what the journey holds.
Tomorrow and Tuesday work.  Thursday work.  Praying for Wednesday.
Grace to you.