Parenting

I took my eldest shopping for a bed today.  We already found a great free couch.  We plan on thrifting for most things that he needs.  His older brother and I have things to give.  But, as we read about beds..."not many stains," hardly used", "just a few stains,".....I felt....queasy.  And, there has been a huge bedbug infestation around here. Even at the library.  Really?  Ick.  So, his first real bed will be new.  He will be able to use it well and keep it for awhile.  And he was so thankful.  Feels like I've always been forced to say no.....or, it's too expensive.  My one son,when he was really tiny, only knowing that it meant "no"  would wail, "it's too spensiv,"when he didn't want to do something.  That saddens me because we have never been impoverished.  We have lived paycheck to paycheck, but still, I feel blessed. But the part of the shopping today that was crazy was how tired I was. But, so happy to be out with my son.  Finally got to sleep around 11:30....or so.  And, at 2:18, the voice of my nearly 17 year old permeated the sleepy fog of my brain, "mom, I just threw up." And, you have to understand that he has thrown up only perhaps once ever in his whole life in a toilet or sink or anywhere but a bed or the floor.  He has a horrible sense of what it feels like to be ready to throw up.  "Do you need to see it?"  And I'm thinking, "nah, not so much."  "I threw up in the toilet."  I was giddy!  Get a pan.  Don't lie on your brother's new couch.  Get a towel.  Hope you feel better.  Love you......
And then, he went to sleep and I was awake.  Thinking how he came directly to my spot on the floor.  How it was ME that he came to.  How glad I am to have been a parent all of these years.  The one that they come to.  When they are going to move.  When they are sick.  When they need help.  When they have news.
Because, tonight I also had news from my college son....he had a "serve day" at his college yesterday.  All day long, the 3000+ students and faculty together go out for the entire day and serve others.  He was so jazzed.  He called to share.  While we were out shopping.  Got to talk to his brother too.
I'm a mama.  Have been.  When they were little, I solo parented most of the time.  And, for me, I now reap the benefits.  Relationship.  With young adults.  Sweet.  Though.....here I am awake at 3a.m.  It's worth it.  Guess God knew it might be too hard to go to a sub job today because a friend changed her mind and doesn't need me. Love how life works out.
grace to you.