The Calm

I feel the air changing.  That calmness before the storm comes.  His anger is bottled up.  He's trying to keep it together.  He's mad that I didn't go with him to the lunch.  That I had to make some of the kids go with him. That he doesn't have the relationship nor the respect to deal with that.  His choices.  But, in his eyes, I have to be at fault.  It is how he copes.  How he keeps it in check.  My fault means his reputation is unscathed.  His being responsible self is alive and well.  It's such a habit.
When I said that I wasn't going today he asked me what he was supposed to tell the people.  I told him to tell them what he wanted.  You know, it still amazes me that he wants me to pretend.  How many ways and how many times do I have to say my thoughts?  I don't even say it anymore.  I know that the storm is coming though.  And it makes me tremble.  But, I know it has to.  The barometer rises.  The rain and lightening has to come.  Doesn't make it any easier.
But, maybe if I can face the storm again....maybe it will quit being false calm?
grace to you.