Emptied

Emptied my piggy bank.  Really.  I know...46 years old and I have a piggy bank.  I don't think that I have a hundred dollars...seems more like 75.  Hmmm.  Well, I included a birthday check that I never cashed from his parents....so it should be close to the hundred dollars.  I didn't want to take their money.  Long story, but it was not a pleasant way to receive a birthday greeting nor gift.  So, I hadn't wanted to cash it...but they would be happy to give it to him, so that's ok.  I'll let him have it. 
And there's a part of me that feels really good. I was bullied, but I didn't give up the thing that was most important to me.  To give when God puts it in my heart.  It matters to me.  It's huge. 
Now, I had better start doing more teaching, I guess.  Keep looking.  I'll just pray and do a good job when I go, and hopefully more teachers will begin to request me.  I hope so.  I have seen some regular para jobs available...but, I don't make as much a day.  Most of them are only three hours a day and would keep me from subbing, so, for now....I'll stay with what I've got.  It seems right.  Like what I'm supposed to be doing. 
It's easy to fall into worry.  But, not healthy.  Best to empty myself and let God do what He does.  And emptying my piggy bank.....small thing.  It never fails to amaze me how He always makes things work out.  He really does.  I am so horribly far from perfect, but I love Him and am called for His purpose...and He says that in that case He will make things work out.  I believe it.  I've seen it over and over and over and over. 
I find that I only feel badly about the fact that someone else got in the middle.  Who didn't  need to be.  That part of life, I need to do better.  As for the rest....no regrets.  Not for helping my kids.  Not for buying groceries.  Not for taking my friends to lunch.  Not for anything.  My kids needed their mama to "do" for them.  The time is quickly passing.....and they are so worth it.  Money will always come around.  My kids...they are leaving quickly.  I don't buy them cars or send them to college.  I can at least support them as they begin to take care of themselves.  Without giving them guilt. 
Hope I can sleep now.  He really upset me on the phone.  Wanted to cry. Wanted to scream.  Just wanted to tell "the rest of the story."  But, I still haven't figured out how to separate my story from his.  One day I will.  I wish that I could....wish that I could explain how small he makes his family feel.  How small I feel around him.  But....can't, so I'll wait.
grace to you.