Write a Book

So much beauty all around.  So many thoughts.  So much to do in this world.  All I can seem to think is how much I want to write.  But, I guess my feelings are too hurt.  Like I don't feel as if there's any encouragement.  I'm learning that I am the encourager of others but that it's rather hard to encourage myself...although, believe me...I try. 
This blog is getting more and more "views".  That's good.  But, views or not, I will write.  I have to.  Like breathing.  Or having my heart beat.  No choice.  And not just to vent.  Because we each have a story.  A journey.  I don't want mine to be meaningless.  I want whoever sees what I write not to marvel at my wisdom or the way I can turn a phrase.  I want them to marvel at how God has taken and is taking a life that has been full of both blessing and pain and made so much beauty.  Not in spite of the pain, but in the midst of it. 
People around me don't realize how hard life has been.  A lot easier in adulthood than childhood simply because I am an adult and have choices.  I've made some lousy ones.  Ones that have gotten me to where I am.  But still....He holds on.  He is strong.  He guides.  He covers. 
I don't want one person to feel alone or as if she is not enough or not loved.  If He can love me, if He can change my life, if He can bring hope to me....then, He can do so for anyone  I want them to know.  It's my sharing hope that I want to share.  My encouragement.  Not by showing only the good.  By showing the pain.  Letting people know....because I think a lot of them....a lot o you....are living through some pretty radically painful times.  If my openness will allow anyone to be saved from hopelessness or self-hatred....then I want to share. 
I don't know how yet.  It's as if those closest to me don't believe it's a good idea.   Probably because they know how truly messed up I am.  Don't exactly look like the one who will help the masses.  But why will this drive not go away?  Why does it intensify as I pray?  I believe it is because the One who made me wants me to do something with it.  I'm not looking for fame.  Just to help...even one.  To encourage.  To bring light.  Light.  Hope.  Peace.  Truth.  Not by preaching.  But by sharing my journey and telling about the One who is big enough.  Loving enough.  Gracious enough.  Even for me.  Even for you.  So many thoughts...but, time to eat.
grace to you.